The Daily: Cleaning Up Dog Poop at Night

 Thursday, March 31, 2022

12:31 am: My son just let me know in such a polite manner that the dog pooped on the carpet in his room. Here we go. Off to clean up dog poop in the middle of the night. 

4:07 am: Husband up and doing something that is making quite a bit of noise. More dog poop? As much as I am curious I don't even want to know. I would like to sleep more, please.

5:30 am: Alarm. I thought when your kid sleeps through the night you would get to sleep through the night as well. No, no, no. Don't dream to big people.

6:06 am: At the gym. There is a lady who always moves through the machines strangely. Like, she comes from between the stairmasters to get to the treadmills instead of following the walk path around them. I was getting off my treadmill and she was standing right behind me, startled me. Follow the path lady.

7:02 am: Back from the gym. The house smells bad, like dog poop. I grab a flashlight and go down into the kids room and lucky for me there was plenty more dog poop and, and pee. Back to scrubbing. Something is obviously bothering the dogs stomach. Poor her...poor me.

7:49 am: Watching the news and drinking coffee. Working on a story for The News With No Sound about a man of the street style report I saw in which no one who was asked could name a Los Angeles mayoral candidate or the current mayors name. Uh oh, not looking good Angelenos.

9:13 am: Cleaning up the kitchen, the sink looks stained and gross, I gotta scrub it. How does something we use to clean things get so dirty? Its kind of gross.

9:45 am: Scrubbing the carpet from the dogs great bathroom experiment last night. Scrub, dry, check, scrub some more. This may become a whole day of cleaning. Joy Joy!

10:16 am: The husband is replacing the kitchen faucet. There are going to be some profanities flying around this house. Once again, neighbors bring your pets and children inside.

10:30 am: Making "Did you know" TikTok videos with The Baby Gene...pretty fun and cute.

11:00 am: The kid came upstairs just to hang out with me. This is weird. I like it but, it's weird.

11:45 am: Husbands getting us Poke and I am making the kid frozen pizza from Costco. Gourmet at its best.

1:25 pm: Back to working on the kitchen faucet. Things are not going well, we've got a pipe pieces that's stripped. So the husband has to go to the Home Depot, he is M A D. We are staying A W A Y.

2:10 pm: Took the dog for a walk hoping that she will stop her pooping in the house. It probably won't matter, now she has a taste for the sweet life of pooping in the house. 

3:40 pm: Pulling weeds, raking, and picking up all the debris. Oh yah, the plumber is here now to finish putting in the new faucet. Shit just got expensive.

5:00 pm: Making Kielbasa and pasta for dinner, one pot. That's all I can manage to wash.

6:10 pm: Back to the mean streets to walk the dog. The kid wants to walk with us, again weird, I like it, but weird.

7:41 pm: Watching Winning Time on HBO, it's pretty great so far.

 

9:07 pm: Still watching Winning Time, as usual that's saying something. Good night.

The Daily: I Did It, I Slept All Night

 Wednesday March 30, 2022

5:30 am: Waking up with the alarm, for the first time this week. Yes!

 

5:55 am: The gym is crowded. Someone is on my favorite treadmill, there are people at all the weight machines, and the cubbies are full. What is this all about? Wednesday is the universal work out day?

7:30 am: Coffee and breakfast before we get ready to go to the Peterson Museum in LA today. The kid was really excited last night, let's see how he feels when he has to wake up in a few minutes.

8:45 am: Trying to get some stuff done for when we get home later this afternoon. Chopping some veggies for our salad for dinner, less to do when we get back, cause you know I'll have ton to do when we get back. I always do.

9:35 am: Sitting on the 405 South in traffic. So much traffic. We will have fun when we get there if road rage doesn't take us out first.

10:33 am: The Peterson Museum. Parked in the $21 costly lot and ready to head inside. 

1:03 pm: Museum was great, there is a Back to the Future DeLorean there that is totally worth going to see. Lots of other great shiny old and crazy new cars to check out. I think it was like seventeen bucks a person, so I would say go. (Except the parking lot, the parking lot is $21 or $17 with some dumb coupon they gave us)

1:20 pm: Eating lunch in the La Brea tar pits park. The fake mammoths look a little smaller than I remember or I am a lot bigger, I am not sure which one it is.

2:04 pm: Heading home, the husband says we have to stop at the auto shop to pick his truck up that we dropped off on Monday. Now I have to drive in the 405 traffic, I might blow a gasket, my kid is scared of me right now, I can tell.

3:54 pm: I tried to take a quick break before the evening dinner chores start, it didn't work, so now I am tired and I am going to have to make dinner soon. Shit.

4:30 pm: Up and at em. I am making two different dinners so that my fourteen year old will eat dinner. Fourteen year old. I am still just trying to get him to eat something. I definitely did something wrong

6:31 pm: Walking the dog after dinner. Found a loose barking dog in the neighborhood and helped it get back to its house. Check off one in the good neighbor category for me.

7:12 pm: Hanging with the kid in his room listening to him talk about turbo charged engines, like...I am even remotely interested. I pretend though, because I also like to pretend I am a good mother.

8:09 pm: We are beat. Finishing our movie from last night. Then we are hitting the hay like the good old people we are. The morning comes early peeps.

The Daily: I'll Get Up When I Want To

 Monday, March 28, 2022

5:30 am: Getting out of bed, but only because I want to. NOT because I have to. I love that. Welcome to spring break, baby.

5:55 am: At the gym, all the same characters are here but they are finishing up their workouts and no new people are filing in. This could be the best time to come to the gym. The world is my oyster this morning. I love spring break.

7:38 am: Drinking coffee and planning a trip to the market to buy snacks. Vacation time calls for chips, crackers, candy, cookies. Calories do not count when you are on vacation, this is a proven fact.

9:05 am: Off to the market with the husband. This will be a long trip. Grocery stores are meant to be a solo trip, I am not one to browse the market, I am more of a get in get out type of girl.

10:07 am: Back from getting groceries, now I have to follow my husband to the other valley to drop his truck off at the shop in the pouring, pouring rain. He seriously owes me for this nonsense. All this time the kid is so miserable with his cold.

11:10 am: That was a crazy drive with boulders in the road, flooding, and traffic like you wouldn't believe. Happy spring break!!

12:30 pm: Made lunch for everyone and after lunch they can all leave me alone for half an hour. I have had enough already. I am turning into a real grump today. Wow, more so than usual. I have entire week of the both of them at home, maybe I won't survive. Or maybe one of them won't survive.

2:02 pm: Walked over to the neighbors to borrow some lemons off their tree. No one lives there yet, so no one will notice.

2:45 pm: Sweeping and vacuuming the house, this "staycation" I am on isn't really feeling like that so far. I may complain some more today, it seems to be what I am the best at.

3:30 pm: Now I am making the homemade Macaroni and Cheese that husband was going to make. I always end up making all the food whether I am cooking dinner or not. Ugh.

5:30 pm: Sitting down to eat dinner and finish the Discovery + show we have been watching. Great show...sorry, wish I could remember what it was called.

6:45 pm: Yoga in the living room and Howard Stern on the Airpods, things are a little better. Howard always lightens up my mood.

7:26 pm: Watching Halloween Kills on HBO Max, it's payback to the husband for making follow him to drop his truck off in the rain this morning, he hates scary movies. Ha ha, sucker.

8:29 pm: Still enjoying Halloween Kills, not that it's good but I am enjoying it.

The Daily: Putting Them All On

 Tuesday, March 29, 2022

4:03 am: Well, once again I am awake way too early. I'm going to use the bathroom and force my way back to sleep.

5:30 am: Alarm going off. I did manage to fall back asleep and have a shitty dream about my dad. Off to a fantastic start.

5:58 am: At the gym and it is lovely and not crowded. I am so glad that it worked out that the only gym in my neighborhood is a small family owned gym, no big chain gym for this girl.

7:31 am: Getting dressed to go to the LA Zoo this morning. I was putting on my wedding ring and decided to layer on two more. Why not, I want to wear them all.

8:50 am: Making dinner roll dough to eat with our dinner before heading out to the zoo. It seems like no one else has anything to do, they are just sitting around while I am working in the kitchen. What goes on around here?

9:20 am: Time to go...let's go people.

10:05 am: At the LA Zoo. It's like we have the whole place to ourselves. That is very rare in LA. Everyone is in a good mood. This is a miracle. Enjoy it while it last.

12:03 pm: Leaving the zoo. We saw Koalas, Tigers, Chimpanzees, Elephants, Otters...so many animals. Off to pizza and beer for lunch. This is more like it for spring break.

2:07 pm: Back from the zoo. I am exhausted. 4:00 am is too early to wake up. I am so sick of that shit. I am taking a nap. 

3:10 pm: Husband said we have to go to Home Depot to buy a new kitchen faucet. Wah Wah...no! Here we go.

5:17 pm: Making dinner. The only problem with a staycation is the fact that I am still standing in the kitchen alone making dinner.

6:55 pm: Dinner done. Dog walking done. Time for some yoga and then chill the F out.

7:59 pm: Sitting down to watch a movie on HBO Max and feeling tired.

8:15 pm: Tomorrow the Peterson Museum...and another long day.

I Want to Talk To You, Kind Of

The girl pushes on a hidden panel on the blonde wood table and electrical plugs appear ready for me to plug in my new iPhone. Across from me an older man sits with his wife and looks like everything I could ever want to be sitting across from at an Apple store. The gentleman's pate is bald but he has managed to grow frizzy white hair down to his shoulders and dons a thick mustache in silver to match. He wears many silver rings on his thick fingers that create a look when combined with the silver medallion necklace that rest against the pearly hairs on his exposed chest. His clothing is in layers, many layers, a low cut tee under an opened colorful flannel button up under an outdoorsy fleece vest and topping it all off with a thinned down Columbia jacket.

He is asking the helpful employee lots of questions, but his questions don’t come without a small yarn about himself. The silver haired man explains that he needs a new phone because, “I left my old phone in a taxi,” takes a beat, “in Spain of all places.” I am slowly falling in love with this masterpiece of a blow hard. The confidence and the swagger this fellow has is awe inspiring; the hair, the ‘stache, the jewelry sparkling, the strength of his voice, this man has character.

The other people in the Apple store are the same old same old, moms with babies in strollers, older women looking for a device to text their grandson using the term “bro” to sound like she knows whats going on with the kids, or like me, a basic lady who just want to listen to music or watch a Master Class without the infernal forever spinning wheel. But not the silver fox, no, he’s getting a new iPhone that will be his travel companion, his confidante, the phone will document his exotic trips to Spain where he rides around in taxis. 

 

This is one those times that I really, really want to talk to a stranger, the self-important tales I know that would pour out of him by simply smiling and blinking my lashes. The stories I could write about later, I can hear them formulating in my head as I sit across from him at the Apple help table.
 

But not today, today I need to get home, so today I am an observer instead of an active participant, the regret is real.

The Daily: Well, it's Sunday

 Sunday, March 27, 2022

4:44 am: Awake, again. I am NOT going to get our of bed this time. I am going to lay in this stupid bed and wait to fall back asleep. As usual I am obsessing over everything I said to everybody at the birthday party. Not because I think I said anything wrong but because I have horrible anxiety. Good morning.

6:33 am: Ready to get up and hit the mean streets for a job. It is cloudy and chilly outside, the weather does this every year for spring break, it gets cold. Nature is not a vacation friend.

7:55 am: Breakfast time. Avocado toast and coffee, this is what I deserve after being awake all morning.

9:30 am: My husband just informed me that we are going to the Costco. Oh, no, someone please save me. I hate the Costco so much, I actually don't mind the Costco, it's my husband's need to browse everything that makes me crazy.

11:00 am: Sunday is burritos for lunch day. I love burritos for lunch day. 

12:48 pm: Hanging out with the kid while he watches youtube videos about skateboarding. He seems to have caught a cold, I guess two weeks without wearing a mask in school is all it takes to get sick. Just in time for spring break.

2:07 pm: Walking the dog in the neighborhood. So many cool shadows today. The husband didn't want to come with me because I go for a "long ass" walk. Okay...

3:31 pm: Finally sitting down to write something. There are some days when doing nothing seems to take up all my time.

4:07 pm; Okay, I've got something to write about for The News With No Sound. A K9 dog found a shit ton of cocaine in the back of a truck in Las Vegas and people are leaving the lamest messages on the departments facebook page. Oh, people...oh, drug dealers.

5:20 pm: Guess where I am? The kitchen. Making dinner. Fun times always, baby.

6:15 pm: Walking the dog with the husband, we saw a LOT of peacocks. This has been a day not worth re-living. Sorry, it was boring, just being honest. 

7:28 pm: Watching Late Night on Amazon Prime, I am still on the Mindy Kaling kick. It's satisfying. I like it.

8:40 pm: Last sip of red wine and gearing up for bed so we can get this Spring Breakin' on tomorrow.  Or we will just take it easy and not wake up early and do things we hate, like driving to school in the morning.

The Daily: Awake, Again

 Saturday, March 26, 2022

5:04 am: Awake at five on a Saturday, this is stupid. It's too dark to go outside for a run, so I am just laying in bed with the lamp on waiting for the sun to show it's dumb face.

5:55 am: I have watched too many TikTok videos already this morning. TikTok is strange, some videos have no likes and are interesting and different, the videos that are the same as the one before it (and the one before that one) have a gazillion likes. Weird.

6:21 am: Leaving to go jog outside. It's still kind of dark, but the sky is lightening up now. Here I go.

7:58 am: Jog done, shower done, and now coffee. I have so many little chores to get to before our friend's daughters birthday party later. I don't want to do any of them, I'd rather sit on the couch and mindlessly watch MTV.

8:08 am: All the videos are by the Foo Fighters this morning, their drummer, Taylor Hawkins, died last night. He was only 50, shit, that sucks.

9:30 am: Making wrapping paper out of roll of brown butcher paper and Sharpee markers, now my house smells like chemicals and I have a headache. All because I think store wrapping is too generic...I am a nightmare sometimes.

10:15 am: Out in the yard to water the plants, there is a giant bumble bee that keeps nagging at me, I don't if it is the stinging kind, I hope it's not. 

10:40 am: Making a video for The Baby Gene TikTok account. He's stuck in the bathroom and getting into all kinds of shenanigans. I love making these stupid videos.

11:45 pm: Eating lunch with the kid and laughing WAY too hard at America's Funniest Home Videos, seriously it's not that funny, but I am dying. 

12:50 pm: I am falling asleep on the couch, I can't keep sleeping so shitty every night. Oh well, Saturdays are made for couch sleeping.

2:02 pm: Walking the dog through the neighborhood, she is slow, slow, slow. My God she is slow sometimes. And, now I am a sweaty.

2:39 pm: Probably the end of today's blogging. I have to beautify myself soon (update deodorant, add some more mascara to the lashes, put on a t shirt that hasn't already been worn for a couple of days), it's almost party time, baby.

The Daily: Dreams of Friends

 Friday, March 25, 2022

4:03 am: Awake. An hour earlier than I need to be. If my mattress wasn't crippling I could fall back asleep. I was dreaming about my friends from my early twenties, we were waiting in line to go to a concert and people kept showing up with more friends. It reminded me of how when I was young if you invited someone to something the chances were they would show up with three other people in tow and no one really cared, weird how that never happens in your forties. 

5:01 am: At the gym, that opens at 5:00 am, there are already five cars in the parking lot and people on the equipment like they've been here for an hour. Do they get here and wait outside for the doors to open? What is going on here?

6:30 am: Woke up the kid, but I haven't actually seen him come out of his room, is he awake? Do I have to back into his room? I am too tired for this shit today.

8:05 am: Back from dropping the kid off at school. It's a minimum day today, so I'll be back there at 12:10 to wait for him to eventually make his way to the car. 

8:48 am: Working on a story for The News With No Sound about a Texas teen that got swept up into a tornado while driving in their truck, the kid is the most nonchalant person I've ever seen get sucked up into a tornado. It's kind of amazing.

9:03 am: Made pie crust to use with the quiche we are having for dinner. Successfully covered my black sweatshirt in flour. That's the part I am the best at.

9:45 am: Shot video of The Baby Gene on TikToks next adventure, it includes a wild mushroom and a disco light. Why wouldn't it?

10:35 am: Sat down to read five pages of the book Idaho, by Emily Ruskovich. This book has some mysteries going on...I am trying to figure out where it's going, but I am more than willing to keep reading to figure them out. Great book so far.

 

11:55 am: Out the door to pick the kid up from his minimum day at school. I walked in the neighborhood and now I am so sweaty, I wish he would hurry up, ugh.

12:15 pm: Went to Target to get a birthday present for our friends daughter's party tomorrow. She's little so it's fun to go and buy toys for, except in the aisle where the dinosaur that talks and makes noises are, it sucks.

1:30 pm: Back home and feeling really tired from waking up at 4 AM, need some rest. Nap on the couch? Don't mind if I do.

2:51 pm: Hanging out with the kid in his room. We are both starving, early lunches are doing us in. Time to throw some premade cookies into the oven. Snacks, Snacks, Snacks

4:00 pm: Getting the quiche ready for it's forever baking. Bake it girl, by girl I mean me.

The Daily: Waking Up Hungry

 Thursday, March 24, 2022

5:00 am: Alarm going off and rudely waking me up and I'm hungry. Waking up hungry is annoying. 

5:17 am: Working out at the gym. Another reason I know I am getting old is that I am highly annoyed that the kid who is working at the gym (the employee) is working out with us but the Clorox wipes are empty, so no one is able to clean the machines. The "employee" is just chugging away on that elliptical machine.

6:57 am: Ready for coffee and then some more coffee.

8:10 am: Back from dropping the kid off at school and traffic was horrendous. I hate the drive to school (and the drive back from school...I hate all driving that has to do with going to school).

9:05 am: Cleaning the bathrooms, it's a truly shitty chore but I prefer keeping the bathrooms in my house a touch cleaner than the public restrooms at the beach. Anyone else feeling that?

10:07 am: Time to create. I love ten o'clock, this is when I give myself permission to make something, today I am making three more The Baby Gene videos to create movies with for TikTok. It's really stretching my imagination to try and figure out how to get this weird little baby toy into sticky situations.

10:40 am: Videos done. Time to write. I am working on an essay for The News With No Sound about how kids are using emoji as code words to buy and sell drugs. The ingenuity of it all...

 

12:03 pm: Just ate a salad with the left over Green Goddess dressing that made last night, it still wasn't very good. Still not a Goddess at making green dressing.

1:43 pm: Working in my kids room when the dog got really happy and ran to the sliding glass door. She sat and was wagging her tail. When I went to go look at what she was so happy about I saw one of our long winded neighbors standing by our fence looking into our yard. What?! He didn't knock on the door. I guess he came by for a look-see?

3:30 pm: Helped the kid draw a two faced version of Andrew Jackson, homework is weird these days.

4:26 pm: Time to get back to the life of chores. Someone's got to feed these people.

6:31 pm: Yoga on the floor of the living room time, then a face mask. A little me time.

7:33 pm: Time for some Netflix. We are still working on the Vikings Vahalla show, it's entertaining (does that sound like I'm saying it's not entertaining, sometimes my sarcasm is...)

8:45 pm: Never mind Vikings...back to The Mindy Project, until...the DVD won't play anymore. I guess that's part of why streaming is so popular. Bummer.

The Daily: Pops and Creaks

 Wednesday, March 23, 2022

4:45 am: The house woke me up with popping and creaking. Sometimes I wonder if my house will just fall apart like a house of cards while I am sleeping.

5:15 am: The gym is so crowded. We have a shelf of cubbies to store our shit in while we are working out and it was full this morning. I am always surprised to see what people put in them. Today there was a man's wallet (trusting), another cubby had a phone with their bank app open (even more trusting), and of course the pair of glasses that have been abandoned there for months now (just selfishly taken up space). 

6:30 am: Dog begging to go outside already, sometimes she is truly a nag. Everyone who lives in my house is kind of nag now that I think about it.

7:45 am: Kid dropped off at school like clockwork. He was complaining because today he has to go to the school library and find poetry books. You would think he was going to the library to have the teacher put bamboo splinters under his finger nails.

9:00 am: Just finished my essay on free menstrual products program in Los Angeles libraries for the News With No Sound. Yes, free pads and tampons for people who need them, loving that LA. Off to brush the teeth, flat iron the hair, and then clean the house. Tackling the day strong.

9:15 am: Changed the sheets in the bedroom. At first I had one of the kid's twin size sheets trying to put on our queen size bed and I almost lost my shit and threw the sheet in the street before I realized what I was trying to do. No good deed goes unpunished.

10:20 am: Sitting down to work on writing; @The Baby Gene shorts for TikTok, an essay about "that" guy I sat across from at the Apple store (he was a piece of work), and maybe another story for the news site.

11:45 am: Grabbed a salad with Tofu for lunch. Some people really hate tofu, I think they are stupid.

 

1:15 pm: Started a new book: Idaho by Emily Ruskovich, not sure what's going on quite yet but I am willing to keep reading to find out. 

2:04 pm: Gotta go grab the kid from school and get gas in the car. The gas may have to wait, I am not prepared to see how much it's going to cost me. Hopefully I have enough...I am throwing caution to the wind.

3:38 pm: Back from school, husband still sleeping even though it is hot in the house. Now we have to be very very quiet, like when Elmer Fudd was hunting wabbits.

4:04 pm: Never mind, now the husband is awake laying on the floor of the kid's room, kind of just staring at me, I am not sure I like it.

5:30 pm: Salad with Green Goddess dressing for dinner...it was not great. Apparently, I am not a Goddess able to create a green salad. I tried thou

7:30 pm: Real Housewives of OC time. I love a guilty pleasure.

8:56 pm: I've had enough of today. It was a pretty good day, I think I've accomplished a lot today. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring for me and this wacky family of mine.

The Daily: My Stupid Hip

Tuesday, March 23, 2022

4:59 am: Waking up with this aching hip. It's the right hip, not the correct one, but the one on the right side. I think it should get back in line with the rest of my body and act appropriately.

5:15 am: There is something happening a the gym. The short shorts are out and proud. They're not just short shorts, they are those new booty bicycle shorts that look like boy short underwear. Get it ladies!

6:06 am: Had an idea to make a short film about this strange green baby toy in my house. It's going to be one of those days that I spend most of it in my head, I can tell already.

6:15 am: Took a picture with my new iphone and it did this weird adjusting thing and then snapped the picture when it was good and ready to. It turned out kind of great, you are on to something with this camera iPhone.

6:58 am: Making coffee and googling how to make stop motion videos on my phone. Oh yah, kids up and in the shower already, looking good time wise.

7:59 am: Kid dropped at school (where I am sure he's going to pay attention and try his best...maybe), ready for breakfast and getting in some writing.

8:44 am: Just posted a short essay about that Tesla that launched into the air in Echo Park as a TikTok stunt and crashed poor innocent peoples parked cars, UGH...it's here: The News With No Sound.

 

9:15 am: Call my Grandmother in law while picking up junk in the kids bedroom. She's 89 years old and entertaining to talk to. I love to complain to her about stuff that's going on, she's great at commiserating.

10:01 am: Headed outside for fresh air and to water the plants, it is ridiculously warm here today and I am trying like hell to keep the pansies I bought from drying up and blowing away in the ever present wind.

10:56 am: Writing a piece about a North Carolina woman who got the vanity license plate, "FART", and someone complained about it. What a story, I am smiling right now thinking about it.

12:12 pm: Lunched early today. I would eat lunch at like 10 and dinner at 4:30 if it was up to me...again, old lady in the making. 

1:39 pm: Just made a TikTok video with the strange green baby toy in my house, it's at: TikTok user TheBabyGene (I may have a bit more time on my hands then I like to admit to, just saying).

2:25 pm: Dog walking in the school neighborhood, I saw a large Easter bunny and egg inflatable that looks questionable, who do these things bring joy to exactly?

3:30 pm: Back home, husband still sleeping which means we have to be so very quiet, like that's easy for me or the kid. 

5:07 pm: Making tomorrows school lunch for the kid, making two different dinners, and listening to Margaret Atwood's Master Class (she is so brilliant). I am so thankful for that Master Class subscription, it keeps me sane when I am standing in the kitchen forever.

6:46 pm: Yoga on the floor of the living room in an attempt to loosen up that damn right hip. The living room is a bad place for yoga, the husband is sitting on the couch complaining the whole time. 

7:43 pm: Sitting in the kids room babysitting him (a fourteen year old) to make sure he gets his homework done.  Another plus of being a parent...at least I can go to bed soon. 

9:03 pm: Time to hit the hay, it's a little late but whatever.

The Daily: Is the Alarm Set?

Monday, March 21, 2022

4:30 am: I am awake. When is the alarm going to go off? Did I set the alarm? How much longer do I have until I have to wake up? It's Monday, this is what happens to me every Monday.

5:00 am: Now the alarm. It's Monday.

5:13 am: Howard Stern is back, thank God. Now I have something to take my mind off of how stiff my back is as I jog on the treadmill. 

6:57 am: Kids in the shower, time for coffee. Alright, let's do this...taking this workweek by storm, bitches!

7:10 am: Watching a neighborhood wild cat catching a gopher in the neighbors recently mowed yard. Wow, talk about taking the week on. Do your thing cat.

7:46 am: Dropped the kid off at school, I watched him while he waited for a friend to get their bike out of the back seat of their dad's Mazda car. A bike in the back seat of a Mazda, I would never put my kids bike in the back seat of my car...that kid's dad is a better parent than I am, for sure.

8:10 am: Supermarket trip. People need food, the supermarket has food, well, kind of, the shelves still have bare spots where the groceries have yet to return from the start of Covid. When is that going to stop?

9:08 am: Published article on The News With No Sound, Apple has finally caught up with the mask wearing and you can now open your phone while wearing a mask...after the mask mandates have been dropped. Thank you Apple.

9:30 am: Finished getting my self presentable for the day (in which I will not see another person besides my husband and son, but I want them to think I look nice). Dug through the closet looking for a book that I think I still have...maybe, maybe not.

10:01 am: Carried all the inside house plants outside to drench them with hose water and carefully used the hose in hopes that I didn't break the bib again and water would drench me (and the yard and the neighbors yard, like what happened two weeks ago).

10:44 am: Sitting down to write. Looking for a new story. Published a short essay here on the blog about a memory I hate. I truly hate this memory, you can read it here for yourself and you'll see why: Memories I Hate: That Lady at the Surf Shop

12:15 pm: Eating lunch with my husband, watching Vikings Valhalla, and it is moving painfully slow. Hey Netflix, people watch shows about Vikings for the battle scenes not the accents, let's go already.

1:26 pm: Getting ready to pick the kid up from school, leaving early to swing by my favorite place to shop for movies and books...the Library. Also, the market, I of course forgot something this morning...celery you sneaky vegetable.

1:41 pm: The neighbor just came to the door and I froze on the couch and didn't dare make a move until I heard him leave, don't you wish you lived next door?

2:15 pm: Stopped at the market to grab that celery for dinner and they had party cake flavored Peeps, when will the Easter candy parade end? 

2:34 pm: Walking the dog, not much happening around the school neighborhood today. Only one car drove by holding down it's horn for an excessive amount of time, I'll take it.

3:37 pm: Party cake flavored Peeps have convinced me that everything should come in a party cake flavor, best Peeps thus far. Oh, and the neighbor caught me outside when I pulled in the driveway, so hiding from him earlier did me no good.

5:53 pm: Dinner is ready early. What is going on here? I should buy a lottery ticket or some other kind of lucky thing that people do when things are going their way.

7:25 pm: All the chores done for the day, thankfully because Mondays mean that I am ready for bed at 8 pm. I won't actually get to go to bed at 8, but I'll be ready to.

8:47 pm: This is it for me folks, about a quarter to nine is the best I can do today, I am more and more of a granny everyday. I am okay with that.

Memories I Hate: That Lady at the Surf Shop

There are memories that come back to me with picture perfect quality all the time. Not important memories or meaningful memories, like the day my son was born or that time I got a Louis Vuitton purse, but annoying and disturbing memories. The memory I am thinking of in particular floats through my mind regularly, I was hoping that maybe if I give the memory to you it will leave me alone and allow a memory I would like to have take it’s place, my bachelorette party would be nice (I have no idea what happened that weekend). 

 

In my mid twenties I was going shopping at a surf shop, a store full of clothing designed for teenage girls that I was way too old to be wearing, but I live in Southern California and grown women dressing like adolescent girls is accepted fashion. As I approached the glass doors of the store, that were framed by black and white posters of beach blonde guys with six pack abs performing difficult surfboard maneuvers, I noticed there were two women deeply involved in a conversation blocking the entrance, completely. One of the women had a hand on the handle of the door as though she was going to enter and forgot because her conversation had stopped her mid door opening. 

 

I needed to get into this surf shop, they had a large selection of Roxy t-shirts, and I didn’t want to delay my perusing. I walked up to the women, annoyed with their lack of understanding of how doors worked and I said, “Excuse me,” and then added under my breath, “God, move out of the doorway,” in my most passive aggressive tone, just like dear mother would have done (that is not sarcasm). I brushed between the two women and headed straight to the O’neil section to look at a cropped sweater that featured an exaggerated brass button at the collar. As I was holding the inky blue sweater up, admiring its surfer girl casualness, one of the door blocking women walked up to me, with silent ninja like stealthiness, and put a hand on my arm.

 

I looked up from the sweater surprised to see this woman standing so close and touching me, people don’t touch people they don’t know often, usually for good reason. I looked at her, I didn’t say anything, she had caught me off guard, she then opened her mouth and this horrible sentence fell out of it, “My son is twelve and I was just diagnosed with breast cancer.” She stood looking at me for a breath longer and that was it. She let go of my arm, turned and walked away, and I returned to looking at the navy blue sweater with the oversized button like nothing had happened. I don’t know if anyone else that was in the store shopping for white linen drawstring pants or a hot pink hoodie had overheard the exchange, I didn’t want to know. I kept my head down, put the cropped blue sweater back on the rack, and headed to the swim suit cover ups like everything was just fine. 

This moment has been living in my memory for years, years. I hate that memory.

The Daily: Don't Sleep with Hoops On

Sunday, March 20, 2022

 

6:10 am: Getting out of bed. Slept with my new hoop earrings on and they poked my head all night long. Why didn't I just take them off? Well, that would have taken more effort than be annoyed.

 

6:21 am: Out for a jog. It must have rained pretty good last night, everything is wet. Weird.

 

7:11 am: Thinking about how my kid still doesn't eat vegetables. I thought by the time he was a teenager he would eat like a normal person. I have been wrong about so many things since I became a parent.

 

8:32 am: Watching reruns of Friends and having coffee. Not bad for a Sunday morning.

 

9:15 am: As much as I would rather sit on the couch and watch friends I have to wake up the kid. Someone has to keep this ship on course.

10:20 am: Leaving the house to run out and get pizza supplies from the Trader Joe's (and jelly beans and chocolate covered rice cakes and those mini ice cream cones that you can eat three of and it only equals a regular ice cream).

11:30 am: Picking up burritos, it is Sunday after all, you know how we do.

1:28 pm: Walked the dog around the neighborhood, still no peacocks. Where did they run off too? Also, I am not trying to brag, but the weeds in my neighborhood are getting really tall.

2:26 pm: Husband and son are not getting along. I have no clue how they are going to survive each other until the day that kid moves out of this house. Give me strength...

4:35 pm: Cooking mushrooms and shallots to put on pizzas and listening to the Apple music get the party started playlist... no party is starting here.

5:45 pm: Eating pizza and drinking rose prosecco, life's looking up.

7:14 pm: Watching latest Borat movie on Amazon. The husband does not seem amused.

8:50 pm: Borat movie was great, we laughed a lot and now we are afraid of other Americans. Good job Amazon.

The Daily: Disappointed

Saturday, March 19, 2022

 6:01 am: Waking up feeling disappointed about last night, I hate feeling disappointed in my kid. Good Morning, huh?

6:21 am: Hit the mean streets of suburbia and am jogging in the dark. This is why daylight savings time gets under my skin, also, why does my gym open at 5 am on the weekdays but 7 am on the weekends. Why not 6 am?

6:50 am: Thinking about a story I read last week about a man who cub-napped two baby bears. Two. What the hell?

7:15 am: Walking back from my jog, feeling like I am walking through wet cement or quicksand, tired. At least what I would imagine both those things would feel like, I've never walked through either of them, obviously, have you?

 

7:52 am: Coffee coffee coffee. My favorite time of the morning. Going to watch music videos on MTV, Saturday is the only time I ever see videos on MTV.

9:05 am: Drag the kid out of bed, he's only been asleep for twelve hours, I think that's enough beauty rest.

9:45 am: Kid is asking for his phone I took away last night when he was late to our pick up spot. Dude, no means no. He truly doesn't understand

10:15 am: Made kid walk around the yard and look at all the new plants growing, he is in a special kind of hell right now, I kind of love it.

10:49 am: The husband is going to repair a piece of wood on the house that is rotten, there will be so much cussing today, anyone with kids in the neighborhood should think about a trip to the beach today.

11:40 am: Making lunch for the crew, listening to Billy Joel essentials on Apple music, my son is probably sticking sharpened number two pencils in his ears to keep from having to listen to good music.

12:45 pm: Husband left to get something from the hardware store, wood glue or wood putty, whatever it is it's probably not going to help the project but...he is on a mission.

2:10 pm: Forced the kid to walk the dog with me, he surprising left the complaining at the door of our house, instead he talked about the different packages that the Dodge Durango come with, riveting conversationalist that kid of mine.

2:33 pm: Husband still working on fixing the house, I would say things are going okay, the cursing hasn't really been all that bad.

 

4:50 pm: I guess I am taking over the dinner making since the husband is a little all over the place. Rice and brussel sprouts for me, shrimp and chicken for the husband on the bbq. Have I ever mentioned that I don't love shrimp...

6:15 pm: Walking the dog but no peacocks tonight, where in the hell are they hiding.

7:06 pm: Watching The Mindy Project while I am waiting for the husband to clean up or whatever it is he is doing. I guess I should check on the kid and see what kind of time wasting he is up to.

7:20 pm: The kid came upstairs and took over my tv to watch hockey. Who does he think he is?

7:35 pm: The husband has picked the Viking show Valhalla on Netflix to watch. I am always willing to try something new...for fifteen minutes at least.

9:01 pm: Still watching Valhalla, so that's good. We should be entertained, we pay for so many streaming services.

The Daily: The Spoon Alarm

 Friday, March 18, 2022

4:58 am: Good morning Friday!  I woke up thinking about my in laws and how one time when we were visiting my father in law set a spoon on the door handle of the sliding door to act as a spoon alarm. What would have happened if the spoon was knocked off? I need to find out what the plan of attack was...

5:21 am: A man bun walked into the gym this morning. This is new. 

7:11 am: Drinking coffee and not stressing about getting the kid up out of bed, late start Fridays make me feel like I actually have choices in this life.

 

9:40 am: Sitting outside the mall waiting for the stores to open. I never go to the mall, it's just that I hate it.

 

10:28 am: Finishing up at the Apple store, getting a new iPhone. The sales person is a very cool twenty something with awesome bright hair with a beanie and platform boots on. Nothing makes you feel older than being around cool young people.

12:15 pm: My package from Shop Bop with jewelry just arrived and as luck would have it my husband is doing who knows what at Target. Perfect timing UPS, perfect timing.

1:38 pm: Husband came back from running errands in a delightful mood, by delightful mood I mean bad, really bad. Yikes, I am staying out of his way.

2:10 pm: Left to pick up the kid from school. Dog had to stay home, I have to take the kid to the mall for his friends birthday after school and it is too hot for dogs in cars. I live with the fear that someone will break my car window to save my dog one day...it's a real fear.

4:05 pm: Still waiting in mall parking lot with my kid for a gang of birthday teenagers to get here. Kids are horrible at making plans, seriously fucking horrendous. 

4:45 pm: Just got back from leaving my first and only child at the mall to hang out with a bunch of boys that are probably up to no good. That could be the last time I ever see him again, I gave him one last look so that I can remember him...

5:00 pm: I am not really sure what to do with myself home alone. Eat food? Watch TV? Put away the large stack of dishes in the dish drainer that my husband left before he went to work?

6:00 pm: Walked the dog through the neighborhood and had to evade the big daddy peacock, I thing we were getting to close to his lady flock.

7:15 pm: Leaving to pick up the kid from his friends birthday jammy jam, hopefully he's still breathing.

7:33 pm: The kid is not at the restaurant where he is supposed to be, he's alive because he is able to text me BUT he is not where he is supposed to be. Great, now I have to be mad and yell at him. Shit, this Friday sucks.

8:37 pm: Sitting down to have a glass of wine, I am tired and annoyed, being a mom is not fun, I thought that it was going to be way more fun than this.

The Daily: Smoking Cigarettes in Target

Thursday, March 17, 2022

5:00 am: Woke up from having a strange dream. I was smoking a cigarette in Target while shopping for t-shirts. I put out the cigarette and then I am trying to find a t-shirt that fits me, the medium was just too small, found a large it was cropped. There are very important things happening in my head.

5:40 am: I notice on the treadmill, while at the gym, that I seem to be the only person sweating. Everyone else is working out, but I am the only one wiping sweat off my forehead with my towel. Am I just sweatier than these other people.

6:30 am: Planning on writing about how I think I am a good mom but I am probably destroying my kid for life. My mom probably thought she was being a good mom and look at me, just saying.

8:55 am: Kid dropped off at school. Breakfast down the gullet. Working on a blog post about Netflix trying to stop illicit account sharing for The News With No Sound and ramping up to get up off the couch. Still sitting on the couch...

10:48 am: Went out into the yard to work on these two enormous ferns that my husband saved from the curb of a neighboring street. I was having a real Daniel La Russo moment, like how he trims those tiny bonsai trees, but with ferns. Now I feel itchy, thou. (BTW you should be binging Cobra Kai, it is horrible in the best way)

11:43 am: Trying to write, having some trouble, and my husband is distracting. He comes to sit by me with his own "thing" to do but causes us both to do anything but our "things".

1:00 pm: Looking up corned beef recipes for dinner, I am going to grab one on my way to pick up the kid, who is texting me from school asking if he can go to the mall tomorrow. Isn't he supposed to be in class?

 

2:37 pm: Why is it so awkward when someone says hello to you and you respond with good morning when it is currently two in the afternoon. People make mistakes, let me live, please.

2:55 pm: Thinking about how every job I've ever had I have taken in desperation of not starving or having to live on the street. I have never applied or interviewed for a "dream job", I don't even know what job I would consider my "dream job".

3:30 pm: Corned beef in the insta-pot, kid not doing homework, I have to get on that. I am the homework police, my life has been fulfilled.

5:45 pm: Dinner time, baby. I enjoyed a Guinness in honor of St. Patrick's day, really just an excuse to drink on a Thursday.

6:15 pm: Dishes washed and time to walk the dog. The kid ran over to the park to shoot hoops, hopefully the practice will break the family curse that keeps us from being good at any sport.

 

7:30 pm: Started watching the Mindy Project on DVD (which I also borrowed from the library, I am putting that free movies and books situation to work).

8:45 pm: Got to remind the kid to brush his teeth like he's seven and not fourteen. I tried to scare him by telling him if he doesn't brush his teeth they would fall out and then there will be no more Peeps in his future. I didn't work.