The Daily: I Think I Swallowed a Spider

 Saturday March 12, 2022

3:59 am: I woke up coughing because I had a tickle in my throat. A spider probably crawled into my big dumb mouth while I was sleeping. I heard you eat like a million spiders in your lifetime this way, I'd rather not.

4:31 am: I can't fall back asleep, I thought of a story about a little boy who makes greedy birthday wishes and now I am obsessed with what he would wish for. All the cake? His mom to only pay attention to him? A Maserati?

5:34 am: I've given up on trying to go back to sleep, my husband must be rearranging the furniture in the living room because there is all kinds of racket that is way too loud for 5 in the morning.

5:53 am: I've had it. Getting dressed and going outside for a run, maybe, if it isn't still too dark outside. I hate running outside in the dark. 

 

6:43 am: The sun was up for my jog, I saw three cats, birds, and only one other person. The town I live in is good at sleeping in. I listened to Lil Nas X and Kasey Musgraves...I am tired.

 

7:50 am: The 40 Year Old Virgin is on TV, my God it's funny. Steve Carell plays a very believable virgin weirdo. 

8:25 am: Must. Eat. Food. 

8:30 am: My son joins me on the couch for breakfast. We watch MTV music videos, only slightly uncomfortable to watch basically naked women gyrating to music with your teenager.

9:30 am: Head to Home Depot with my husband. Buy ridiculously long board that keeps knocking things over when we turn corners. Also, bought a half dead orchid, I think I can resurrect it.

11:30 pm: Lunch time, turkey and hummus wrapped in a tortilla and way too many pretzel chips also dipped in hummus.

12:45 pm: Watched the dog out in the yard. She got up from laying in the dirt to sniff the area where she goes to pee in the morning. Dogs are gross

1:33 pm: Reading my book, it's still Dietland, only read a page then fell asleep for half and hour, it's no wonder I am still reading the same book

2:10 pm: We went to shoot baskets at the park down the street. The gates were locked so the boys hopped them, I spent most of my time looking for a place to hop over where I wouldn't fall and break my neck or explode my knees when I landed on the other side.

3:00 pm: Left the park, there must be a family curse because we are all very bad at basketball. Curse or uncoordinated? Curse, for sure.

3:17 pm: Making dough for dinner rolls, everyone else taking a load off, this is starting to become a trend, I work in the kitchen while everyone else puts their feet up.

4:21 pm: Writing a short story about a stranger, what is this stranger up to? I am not sure yet, but it's creepy.

5:30 pm: Eat. Eat. Eat. So hungry, let's eat.

6:42 pm: Walked the dog with no neighbor interference tonight. Feeling so tired from being awake since 4 am. Movie time? 

9:12 pm: Watching The Last Duel on HBO, it's his truth, his truth, and then her truth. I might be too tired for this movie.