The Daily: Someone's on my Treadmill

Friday, March 11, 2022

6:00 am: Hit the gym, the jerk that coughs and never covers his mouth was on my treadmill. This is what happens when you sleep for an extra half hour, you have to use the treadmill that's mysteriously missing your favorite news channel.

 

 8:00 am: Breakfast, I am starving, my extra light and sweet decaf is not doing it for me anymore. I need eggs, I need toast, I need avocado...and more decaf. This is why I had to switch to decaf.

 

9:00 am: Go work in the yard, those weeds aren't going to pull themselves...nobody else who lives in this house is going to pull those weeds either. I don't blame them really, pulling weeds sucks.

 

10:15 am: My son is disgusted with me. He asked if he could go hiking with his friends in the next half hour and I told him no. Could you imagine? I could be a real asshole sometimes.

10:50 am: I've tricked my husband and son into walking with me down to the market and Starbucks. I dangled sugary blended coffee drinks and candy from the supermarket in front of them like a carrot and they both fell for it. Ha ha suckers, now you're going to get exercise.

12:00 pm: Walk to the market and Starbucks was a success, but now the boys are spent and sitting on the couch with their stupid feet up while I make them lunch. I guess I am the sucker now.

1:30 pm: Gave the teenager the controller to the Xbox, told him go nuts with the video games, I grabbed my book (Dietland, by Sarai Walker) and headed to the bedroom to read and hide.

 

1:45 pm: Husband threw open the bedroom door and came to ask me very important questions about cabbage and red potatoes. Now I'm too distracted to read. What is he going to do with those potatoes and cabbage.

 

1:55 pm: The boys headed to Amoeba in Hollywood, see ya! Wait, they took my car. Guess I am staying here.

 

2:00 pm: Grabbed the dog and went out the door with my airpods in my ears, some Talking Heads and dog walking. Ran into a neighbor, she talked a lot. So much for listening to music.

2:25pm: Opened my bottle of Starlight Coca-Cola Zero sugar, I am very obsessed. How did they get red velvet flavored soda with no sugar? Oh right, chemicals...still very obsessed.

3:19 pm: Shit, I ate all the peanut butter M&M's, now what I am supposed to do?

3:50 pm: Boys still not back from Hollywood. I guess this puts me in charge of starting the big corned beef dinner in the insta-pot that my husband was going to make. BTW, if it takes 85 minutes to cook something does it still deserved to be called insta-pot?

 

3:55 pm: Just found the Peeps from the morning supermarket/Starbucks walk, don't mind if I do.

 

4:00 pm: Time to fold the laundry that I put in the dryer before we ever went for our walk this morning, it should be dry by now, right?

4:30 pm: The weather is nice, I opened all the windows and sang Rilo Kiley pretty loud, you're welcome neighborhood.

 

5:15 pm: Boys are back from Hollywood. Still Insta-potting, almost time to get those potatoes and cabbage ready. Wine has been poured, things are looking up.  

 

5:30 pm: Begging my fourteen year old to watch Turning Red with me. Come on, man, humor your old mom, please. You can look at your phone the whole time.

 

 6:13 pm: Walking the dog again, stray dog in the neighborhood has caused a commotion. Neighbors down the street put a leash on the dog and started walking in the opposite direction of where I told them I thought the dog lived. Luckily the dog had a phone number on it's tag, otherwise those people would be walking in the wrong direction all evening.

7:01 pm: Turning Red on the TV, my son sitting with me against his own will. Teenagers are fun.

 

9:30 pm: Tired of being awake, need to sleep.

10:59 pm: Still tired of being awake, need to sleep. Really, I would love to be sleeping now.