I am a Mother and...a Liar

I cannot be the only one…who has noticed that being a mother has made me an unintended liar.  The lies I tell are usually in my son’s best interest, for instance I don’t really know if the dog will bite him if he pets her while she is eating, but I think it’s safer not to, so I say with great confidence that he will get bitten.  I wish I could say all my bending of the truth is of this nature, in the name of my son’s safety, but to be completely honest there are times that my manufacturing of the truth is purely selfish in nature.

One bright and sunny morning while driving in the car, my son strapped safely in the back seat, we were discussing the virtues of always telling the truth when he read one of the only things he knows how to read on a store marquee as we were passing, “Toys.” As usual, my son began his extended diatribe about how if we stop at the Toy Store he won’t ask for anything and will leave as soon as I say it’s time, knowing perfectly well he doesn’t have nearly the self-discipline to pull off either of those things. I quickly changed gears from my ethical talk about honesty and dived right into my fabricated explanation of why we can’t stop at the Toy Store, because it doesn’t open till 1 or 2 in the afternoon, and that was hours from when we were passing it.

I was a little shocked at my own disregard for the truth when it suited my needs, but honestly if my son could handle the truth (that the store was wide open and waiting for unsuspecting children who can’t walk away from a toy store without a toy or a tantrum) I would have told it. I think it will be years before I can completely offer honest answers to all my son’s questions, maybe in high school, or college….it will be many, many years.

A Week of Crazy (10/27/13)

This past week has been nothing less than crazy.  My son decided there was no chance he was getting the second dose of his flu shot, which lead to him being restrained and screaming in our family doctor's office.  I attended my first kindergarten parent teacher conference, an anxiety inducing twenty minutes, and walked away feeling that the teacher hasn't got a clue as to who my child is.  We are in full force Halloween decorating mode and ready to horde all the candy my son can trick our neighbors into treating him to.

So these are the major trends in our home this week:
#flushot
#parentteacherconference
#candyoverload
#halloween

This family is ready to face the upcoming week....I mean until something agitating happens and then I am sure we will be full of complaints!

My Hair is as Peaceful as a Dove

I cannot be the only one....who has hair that misbehaves almost has much as their child does.  One day my hair is simply lifeless, the next day it is like a mop resting on my head, flying out in every direction with an unfortunate greasy sheen.  In my past life, as in pre-motherhood, I purchased my hair care products from the salon. Handing over twenty dollars a bottle for shampoo in the hopes that I would be able to recreate my coif as my skilled stylist did while I was sitting at her trendy station. I had to let this habit fall to the wayside when I got married and realized my husband, who cuts his own hair using clippers while leaning over the bathroom sink, was lathering up with three dollars worth of my salon shampoo and conditioner each time he showered.  All of these factors contributed to my need to find an affordable hair care regimen, which I am happy to say, "Eureka," I have found one.

The Dove Damage Therapy Intensive Repair Shampoo and Conditioner are hands down the best drugstore hair care products I have ever used.  Allow me to offer an explanation of my high praise of the Dove Damage Therapy shampoo, it is rich, it is thick, and it is it easy to work through my hair. The Dove shampoo rinses effortlessly leaving my hair feeling stronger and fuller (who doesn't want that?). The Dove conditioner isn't shabby either, the consistency is just as substantial as the shampoo, and makes my hair smooth and shiny. The side effect of the Dove's thicker texture is that a single bottle of both shampoo and conditioner has lasted up to six months, yes, six months without having to purchase shampoo.

If you were to bear witness to the countless bottles of half used shampoo and conditioner that have been exiled to the guest bathroom (I know what your thinking, what a host I must be) you would take my word for it, Dove Damage Therapy Intensive Repair Shampoo and Conditioner are true winners.

An Attitude Adjustment at the ER

I cannot be the only one....who has realized that spending the early morning (into the afternoon, late, late into the afternoon) in the emergency room can bring forth some realizations.  Thankfully this visit was at my expense, not my five year old son's, but when that ER doctor starts listing the multitude of test you will undergo while you are their patient, one really starts to second guess that decision to head into the Hospital parking lot.

I managed to get myself in this uncomfortable position, on the squeaky adjustable hospital mattress, because I had had a run of migraines for four consecutive days. Along with skull splitting pain, my migraines are accompanied by fun squiggly lines in my vision, which obviously makes it difficult to manage a small child.  A quick call to our doctors office confirmed that I would need to visit the ER, a necessary trip to determine if my brain is possibly swelling to the size of a watermelon (my fear not theirs), and with this determination I was left trying to figure out how I can manage my son and a trip to the hospital. I called my mom, set her in motion, and before I knew it my brother had picked up my son and my mom was driving me to the closest ER.

As I lay, freezing, hooked up to monitors and an IV, I looked at my mom and was so thankful that this thirty-five year old woman had her mommy to pitch in when I need her the most.  I started thinking about the little things that drive me nuts about my family, the inequalities that I feel exist between the grandchildren sometimes or the disappointed faces I get when we can't make it to every get together, but at that moment, sitting in the ER with my mom, I knew it was worth letting all those petty things go. That Emergency Room visit gave me good reason to wipe the slate clean of any tally marks I'd been keeping of disgruntled feelings about my family and started new once again, so although I left reeling from a healthy dose of pain killers, I had a new outlook on the importance of family.

Household Happenings (Week 10/19/13)

Our house is recovering from last weeks health debacle and emergency room visit, thankfully, but no week is without something to talk about, so here are a few of the things that have been happening around here. A mysterious cold has attached itself to my husband and son, my child has been spending ample time in timeout because he has started making his own rules, and I am attempting to understand what all the fuss of the show Homeland is all about by binge watching it.

photo credit: sho.com

Here are our trending topics this week:

#timeout

#homeland

#mysterycold

#bingewatching

That's the low down from our humble abode during the third week of October.  On to the next week....

I Found a Good One in Rimmel

I cannot be the only one...who loves fancy cosmetics, I love the care given to the packaging, the pleasant smells, and of course the great quality of designer makeup.  Unfortunately, my budget isn't always prepared for a fourteen dollar wand of mascara which leads to me walking up and down the three or four cosmetic aisles at Target with a blank stare on my face.

On this particular mind meld trip up and down the cosmetic aisles I was in the market for a new mascara, a staple my blonde eyelashes cannot live without, and was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the abundance of choices.  Did I want waterproof, black brown, lash extender, or my lashes to be "blasted" (what does that even mean)?  This is what I did know, I wanted black, not waterproof, and I like a fat brush on the end of my wand, those skinny rubbery wands to not give my lashes the drama they are attempting to communicate to the world.  So with these parameters I resumed my search and came upon the Rimmel London display, the mascaras were presented in neon color tubes and one was boasting a nice puffy looking brush within it's indiscreet orange tube, Rimmel ScandelEyes Mascara in Black.  The price, $5.49, was well within my budget, so I threw the mascara into my cart next to the mouthwash and Cheerios.

The following morning, I stepped out of the shower feeling that little thrill you get when you know your are going to try a new cosmetic, and I grabbed the very easy to see, street cone orange, Rimmel ScandelEyes mascara ready to beautify myself.  I pulled out the exaggerated wand, dipped it in and out of the mascara tube a few times, and was ready to apply.  The Rimmel ScandelEyes went on very smooth, had great coverage with only a pass or two across my lashes, and definitely made my lashes appear fuller as well as longer.  Here is my favorite part, by the end of the day I was smudge free, after allergic watery eyes and a nap (yes, I said nap).  Needless to say I recommend the Rimmel ScandelEyes as one of the best drug store mascaras I have yet to try.

Two Quarters Worth of Dreams

I cannot be the only one...who relishes in the pure delight and joy their child feels when they find a pair of shiny quarters in the midst of a routine activity, like walking the dog.  This particular kind of joy my son exhibited, with his new found wealth in hand, is an emotion that drifted away from me as I was sucked deeper into the world of paying car payments and property taxes, otherwise know as adulthood.

As my son and I walked with our pooch on leash he spotted the shiny treasure on the sidewalk a few feet ahead of us. He felt the need to run the distance to gather the two quarters into his sweaty palm to be sure no one else would beat him to them, although there wasn't another soul walking down that sidewalk. After my son's initial whooping at such a lucky find he began to plan how we would spend his new come by wealth.  His plans started with a new toy, progressed to a Halloween decoration skull from the hardware store, and went as far as a video game.  I decided to offer my suggestions, suggestions that were a little more doable with fifty cents, an ice cream cone or a toy from the quarter machine at the supermarket, these ideas left my son appalled.  He was confused by my meager plans for his fortune, while looking at his disappointed face I remembered the big dreams of childhood, and I got with the program telling him he should look into a rocket ship to the moon with his new found shekels.  We rounded the corner to our house, still spilling over with big dreams for his kings ransom, and as we walked to the front door my son had come to the decision to drop those quarters into his piggy bank until he made up his mind what best to spend them on.

That afternoon I sent a silent thanks to that careless walker with a hole in their pocket for giving my son the opportunity to remind me to dream a little bigger every once in awhile, it doesn't hurt, and it makes for a great conversation with my boy.

Trending This Week (10/13)

I cannot be the only one...who has had another one of those weeks that I find it amazing I am still standing.  Unfortunately, the topics of conversations haven't been as light around our house as usual but I am here to share anyway.

Here we go:
#schoolprincipalcalls
#emergencyroom
#phineasandferbhalloween
#sleeplessnights

As one could gather from this list it hasn't been smooth sailing this week, when it rains it pours, or so the saying goes. Thankfully for us our family has been a great umbrella shielding us from as much of the downpour as they can.

Fingers crossed next week will be better!

Dear Netflix, Thank You for the New Girl

photo credit: netflix.com

I cannot be the only one...who was late to jump on the party bandwagon that is the series New Girl.  I don't watch a single network television program, not one, I find the writing pandering to the unintelligent, the lack of vocabulary that is even remotely adult is annoying, and the need to stay safely away from anything that may offend is a literal turn off (as in I turn of the t.v.).  With this said, you can imagine my shock when browsing Netflix I decided to give the New Girl a whirl and found myself laughing out loud as well as feeling a connection with the well written and enjoyable to watch characters.

Since New Girl is currently on season three, I feel a long description of the show is unnecessary, so in its place I am offering up my top five reasons you should be watching New Girl:

5. Hello, it's on Netflix, that means no commercials, and that ultimately makes every show better right out the gate.

4.  Zooey Deschannel is the epitome of the quirky attractive girl who risks looking stupid to get a laugh, and the male characters are modern molds of the classic grumpy one, d-bag one, and the every guy one.

3.  New Girl includes smash cut flash backs that give you a great perspective of who the characters really are (example: a chubby ten year old Jess singing Surrender while performing a tap dance routine in an effort to stop her parents from arguing).

2. The New Girl lexicon is fantastic, you can glean funny new words like "sexcetary" or "manbulance," both not useful in daily life, but what do you learn from a sitcom that is, really?

1. New Girl is, in my opinion, the new Friends, there is the "will they or won't they" story line happening between two main characters, their antics are purely comical, and the dialog will keep you coming back for more.

House Trends (10/06)

photo credit: cartoonnetwork.com

I cannot be the only one...who after listening to the constant inane and insane conversations in my house all week long can narrow down all the talking to a few trending topics.  This week ran the gamut but these are the toppers:

#unclegrandpa
#schoolbully
#santaanawinds
#Halloween (yes again)

This past week we experienced an unfair benching in school caused by a lying bully, a new wacky cartoon that has become an obsession, red flag warning worthy winds, and lots and lots of Halloween talk.  That's what's happening in our house this week....I am sure its not so different from what's happening in yours.

Nerf Makes Me Shudder

I cannot be the only one...who has a young son who is a little more fond of playing with fake weapons than I can feel good about. Don't jump to conclusions and picture a five year yielding a blade while my husband and I are struggling to release ourselves from duct tape. Rather picture a five year old with a Nerf shot gun pretending to be a big game hunter or with a plastic knife in case he runs into a bear on his imaginary camping trip.  I have heard the argument that if I don't like him playing with toy weapons don't allow them in the house, but those people have not seen my boy make a weapon from his Eggo waffle, in our case there seems to be no escaping it.

I know kids and toy weapons is what many would coin a hot topic, the kind of topic I tend to avoid because every parent is entitled to their own opinion.  I especially avoid these hot topics because both sides of the coin feel extremely passionate about their views which sparks arguments rather than debates. This was made obvious from the comments in regards to an article I read on the PBS kids website about boys and guns. The author, Bethany Hardy, takes the position that boys may be genetically predisposed to be attracted to gun play and makes great suggestions for parents to monitor their children's exposure to violent television and video games, teach proper gun safety, and express the serious danger of real guns to their child. Even with the author's fairly stated position her readers where fired up enough to argue about kids, guns, God, and the Swiss (read the quick article it will make perfect sense: http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/aggression05.html) 

I think kids play with what they like regardless of what we as parents feel about the toy, some of the "as seen on TV" products are just ridiculous but my son still pines for them.  I agree with Bethany Hardy's article and think is our job to teach our kids appropriate behaviors, whether it is the right way to yield a toy gun or the nice way to pet their stuffed kitten. Let's use guidance as a way our children will learn to respect weapons as the dangerous items they are, animals because they are living creatures, and have empathy for the rest of us walking around on this planet. With this sentiment I guess I will be dodging toy darts and arrows with suction cups on them for the unforeseeable future, or at least until he discovers video games or girls, which ever comes first.