Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Mom on Mom Judgment

I cannot be the only one…who has noticed that some Mamas thrive on schooling you on what is good parenting. There are those Moms who I think are just waiting for a good moment to drop some superior mothering wisdom on you and the others who are all about passing parenting judgment, either way this schooling happens to me quite often.

I narrowed down the times that I have been schooled by other mommies to three biggies. By no means are these the only times I have felt this way, generally I am schooled by another mom at least twice a week, but I offer you only the following three to save the little bit of pride I have left:

1.     Breast-feeding:
When the Sonny Boy was born I tried like a swollen-breasted crazy woman to get that boy to latch on.  After a day of unsuccessful nursing (yes, he didn’t eat for the first day of his precious little life), the nurse in the hospital suggested giving the Sonny Boy a bottle of formula, and Viola, the boy ate something.  My milk supply refused to cooperate with the demands of my new hungry baby, so formula became his source of food.  When my girlfriends heard of this travesty they almost bought the farm, “You have to keep trying, you have to rent a hospital grade breast pump for your house, NEVER give up on the miracle of breast milk…” but I was scared the Sonny Boy would never be satisfied by my dodgy food source, so bottle feeding is what we did.  Sigh…this was my Schooled moment.

2.     Preschool:
I was one of those lucky mamas, whose boss was truly uninterested in child rearing, and allowed me to move my office into my home prior to the birth of the Sonny Boy, thus giving me the chance to be at home with my baby for the first four years.  When the time came for Sonny Boy to attend Pre-K, I was that mom with eyes full of tears muttering things to my Hubby like, “What if he has to go to the bathroom and doesn’t know where it is,” while the other, more seasoned preschool moms, offered us those smiles that you aren’t really sure are in kindness or in jest.  At pick-up, on the third day, one of the other mothers decided it was time to get to the bottom of why I was such a nervous ninny about my son and preschool.  When I explained that the Sonny Boy had been at home with me since birth, the mother couldn’t hide her astonishment, “Didn’t you think he needed to socialize with his peers during the first four years of his life?” I took a deep breath, refrained from explaining what should have been obvious: that we didn’t hide in a closet and never go outside in those four years, but rather I told that busy-body mom that we had many reasons (none of which I was going to give her the pleasure of knowing) for not enrolling in preschool until then.  Whatever our reasons, the fact was…. BOOM she Schooled me on that delicate third day of preschool.

3.     Parental Advice:
Lastly, this most recent Schooled moment pertains to offering parenting advice or even simply sharing what works in our house, and the face slapping judgment that other mamas are willing to slay you with. I made the honest mistake of sharing how we handle Sonny Boy’s extreme finickiness when it comes to food, that I make something I know he’ll eat early in the week, such as Mac and Cheese for example, and reheat it as a side dish to accompany whatever deliciousness I have created that he won’t touch (really, it’s just an insurance policy that he actually eats something).  You would have thought that I said I use Hershey’s syrup in place of milk in the Mac and Cheese by the responses I received, I was told it is a “horrible idea” and that basically I am creating a monster by “making him something special.”  I am not sure when Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (you know that inexpensive blue box usually found on the bottom shelf at the market) became an exceptional treat, but the response to my parenting (or obviously lack thereof) added another Schooled notch to my already notched up belt.

I hope that I didn’t send any of you in a tizzy because you agree with those issuing the Schooling, the truth is I am trying at this motherhood thing, but like anything in this life…practice makes perfect (I had to laugh out loud at myself on that last comment, I am positive I will never be a perfect mom).

Maybe this is what I need...


  1. I think all moms can relate. The other biggie is c-section. The looks and opinions I received because of a c-section were amazing. My comment was always, "My goal was to bring my baby home alive and I did. And the birth only took 3 hours! So there!" Well, I never said, "So there," but I thought it. My other son was only formula fed and he's really healthy, too. My oldest also stayed home with me for 4 years. It was great! My second kid is so social/talkative I had to send him out to preschool just so I could have a break from his chatting all day long. :)

    1. Marcia,

      I wish that The Motherhood (sounds scary like that, right?) that we all belong to, could pass over judging and go right to supporting each other.

      Thanks for sharing!

  2. Great post! I'll never understand those crazy breastfeeding nazi moms!! I breastfed my daughter for 13 months, but you don't see me running around broadcasting it. In fact, I only did it for so long because she refused to drink from a freaking bottle! People can be such pompous jerks. As for the mac-n-cheese, I do that ALL THE TIME! The parents who judge you for that don't have a picky-eater two-year-old who weighs as much as your average 10-month-old. I do. I will feed her what she wants, when she wants. You do the same for your little one, mama!

    1. I am so happy to hear someone else is doing the same food tricks...I had a suspicion that I couldn't be the only one dishing up reheated Mac & Cheese.

      Thanks for your comments and support, it is appreciated!